Hey girl. I see you’re on LinkedIn. Me too. Niiiiiiice profile. What are you looking for? Oh, you’re looking to network? Cool, cool. I’m down with networking. Do you want to connect? We should totally connect. I LOVE networking. I’m sure I can help you out somehow. Nice pic. You have great eyes. What? Oh, I’m sorry, I’m just trying to be nice. I’m totally here for the networking. I have contacts and whatnot. Yea, I’d be happy to help. So what are you doing right now? Oh, I’m sorry, just trying to get to you know you a bit better. It’ll help me brainstorm how to help your networking. You married? Or…? Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to come off like that. I was just, you know, networking and what not. Getting to know you. Is it me, or is this LinkedIn app a little…cumbersome. Yea, that’s right, I use big words. Impressed? No? Me neither, I was just kidding around haha. So what’s your number? I was just thinking it might be easier to text and whatnot…you know, for networking purposes. No, it’s not weird at all babe. Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that disrespectfully…I just feel comfortable with you. You’re part of my network now. How about we get together for some networking. I was thinking we could meet up, network and whatnot.
5 Minutes Later
*Messages fellow LinkedIn Bro*
Hey, Broseph. Quick question – Something weird is up with my LinkedIn account. I keep trying to network with these hotties…I connect, I start to network, and the next thing I know, their name disappears in my messages and it just says “LinkedIn Member.” You too? Weird…
Networking on LinkedIn has escalated QUICKLY. You may or may not have noticed (Ok, you’ve noticed) that more and more men are just starting to flat out hit on women. And, no, I’m not going to be politically correct with this. It’s men. Bad bad men. Idiots basically. LinkedIn is a social, but professional, networking site. It’s main purposes are leads in sales and recruitment. In case you were NOT aware, it’s main purposes are NOT to generate leads in dating, sexting, or overall virtual leering and creepiness. LinkedIn Premium & LinkedIn Recruiter are subscription options. LinkedIn Gross is not.
Are you familiar with the old Christopher Walken sketches from SNL, “The Continental?”
No, not “More Cowbell.” THAT ONE IS AWESOME.
If you DON’T know it, please do yourself a favor and check it out. Go ahead. I’ll wait.
The premise is the same. Man connects with woman under false pretenses. Proceeds to creep her the hell out. And, the man is a PRO. This isn’t the first time he’s done it, and it’s not the last.
So….is this you? Are you sitting there in a velvet smoking jacket? Whispering sweet sweet networking nothings into your connection’s ear? Seriously, think about it. Are you doing this? Yes? Then you are an ass. And guess what? EVERYONE KNOWS.
Last week I posted a question: Has someone inappropriately contacted you on LinkedIn? It generated more than 100 comments…most of which were from women. I also received a lot of messages about the post. Women had been called babe, darling, honey. They had been asked out. Their pictures commented on. Some conversations started polite. Some didn’t. Men had connected with some of them under false pretenses of helping them get a job, only to find out it was just a way to obtain their personal information. One woman sent me a .zip file of hilarious (and horrifying) screenshots of men behaving badly on LinkedIn. Yes, that’s right you goddamn idiots…screenshots. If you are going to act like a moron, what makes you think no one is going to find out? Exactly how arrogant are you?
Here’s an idea for you “professionals” out there. Take a quick look at your sent messages. Print them out. Are you comfortable handing them to your wife to read? Are you comfortable reading them at your child’s “Career Day” at school to explain the concept of “networking?”
“Mr. Karpiak? When you said you had a position for that woman, why did your face get red?”
Seriously. You aren’t cool. You aren’t smooth. You certainly aren’t sexy. And NO ONE is flattered. You’re embarrassing yourself. We’re all laughing at you (And your lame screenshots). So button up your shirt, tuck in your gold chain, and pretend to be a goddamned professional.
This is why we can’t have nice things…
If you have any questions about anything I discussed in the above article (like how to be a goddamn professional), looking for a job and/or working with a recruiter, just ask! Shoot me an email at email@example.com
Thanks for making my last article “Don’t Get Burnt (Out) This Summer” a featured article on RecruitingBlogs https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/dont-get-burnt-out-summer-adam-karpiak
For more about me or my firm, please visit www.karpiakconsulting.com or www.linkedin.com/in/akarpiak I am always looking to network with good professionals that share my values in recruiting, so shoot me an invite if you agree with me!
You can find job postings, as well as loads of content on Karpiak Consulting’s Facebook page www.fb.com/karpiakconsulting Please “like” or follow the page to be kept up to date on all of new content daily. I re-post articles of interest I find online regarding recruiting & public accounting, and I also post emails & messages I get (redacted of course) regarding recruiting that I think are of interest, including stories from candidates about other recruiters doing bad/confusing things.
I am also featuring a Candidate Of The Day. If you are interested in being featured in one of my daily LinkedIn posts, shoot me the following info in an email (I’ve created a Gmail account to stay organized: DailyJobCandidate@gmail.com) with the subject: Daily Job Candidate. Tell me your desired position, industry, and geographic area. This way my entire network of recruiters and networkers could see if they could help out the candidate in any way with leads or point them to someone else that might be able to help. Just by reading the post, people in my network would be able to:
1) Reach out to the candidate directly if they think they can help them.
2) Like or share the post with their network, in the hopes someone in their network can help the candidate.
3) Tag a person in the post’s comments that may be able to help the person.